Friendship

I have been thinking a lot about friendship. For quite a while.  This is as a result of what is going on in my life, what is going on in friends’ lives and general observations on social media. And introspection.

It seems to me that the concept of friendship has changed. Just saying this makes me feel awfully old, and old fashioned. But maybe it is that we now place different values on friendship. Then again, if we do, has it changed, or have I not noticed it until now. Or do I simply not have the social skills myself to make a lasting friendship? As I said, introspection.

For me, certain attributes are very important in friendship. Honesty, loyalty always. Having things in common is important, and yet having different interests is important too. A friend doesn’t always have to be someone similar to me, we can be very different people and yet there are common aspects of our lives that bring us together.

Is friendship more fleeting these days? A friendship of necessity, drawn together by a common circumstance, and when or if that circumstance changes, the friendship doesn’t survive?

I hate to fall out with a friend. Especially over a misunderstanding. I will fight for a friendship, fight not to lose it. Because that friend is important to me, because misunderstandings can be resolved, we can agree to disagree, but that person with whom I originally became friends is still there, underneath that all. Why would I throw it away?

When a friend changes the way they behave towards me without reason, it hurts. I wonder why. I wonder what I have done to cause this. I try to understand, to find out what happened, to resolve any issues. Am I foolish for doing this? I don’t understand how someone can just walk away from a friendship without a backward glance.

And yet we all, I am sure, have at some stage in our lives had a friend where after a while you realise you are making all the effort, you are always there for them when they need you, they disappear when things go well, they are not there when you need them. And then sometimes, it feels that the only option is to call time on the friendship. This is still a painful decision to have to make.

I am losing two friends at the moment. One for reasons I cannot understand, and I have tried. I have tried to understand, and I have tried to save the friendship. I just don’t know what else to do. The lack of explanation or closure is what hurts the most.

My other friend was in a motorbike accident a couple of weeks ago. I still live in hope that he can pull through, but it is looking more and more like he will not make it. This is a different kind of sadness and loss. And I feel so helpless when trying to offer support to his friends and family.

What are your experiences with friendship? Do you agree, or disagree? Is there a trick to dealing with all this that I haven’t learned?

Banana Bread (for adults!)

I love banana bread, it’s easy to make, tastes good, uses up over-ripe bananas, and because there is fruit in it, you can kid yourself it’s good for you!

I was searching for a variation on the standard banana bread recipe, one I’ve seen in different variations, and a strictly adult version at that. Bourbon Banana Bread! This is a match made in heaven. Bourbon – or even whisky – goes so well with bananas, and it gives the bake just a little extra ooomph!

There are many recipes out there for Bourbon Banana Bread, and variations thereof, but could I find the one I wanted? Could I, heck.  In the end I picked two and decided to improvise (fatal decision, I know). I do love looking at recipes and thinking what if I added this, or replaced x with y, you get the picture? Now sometimes this works, and sometimes it is a disaster. This one was somewhere in between working and being a disaster. Hence no photograph! This is a tweaked recipe that needs further tweaking. I just can’t help myself, can I. It would be easier to stick exactly to the original recipe but…..oh, I just can’t resist.

So….watch this space. I am ever hopeful that the next version will work, and then I can proudly show you and say, look what I did *beams*.

Perspective

It has been a difficult week. In fact it has been difficult for longer than that but for various reasons last week was packed with stressful events at work and home, waiting for my last blood test results to come through was looming large over everything else.  I am desperate for them to come up with an answer – because an answer will mean, hopefully, a way forward – but the results still are not back.

Of course world-wide it has been an eventful year. Tragically so in many cases. Above all else, how sad it is that still, we cannot find a way to live in peace.

I have been finding it difficult to be on Twitter, or to blog, and I am struggling for something positive to say.  When I look at my Twitter feed, I know that a lot of people feel the same way too.

Yesterday I found out that one of my long-time Twitter friends had a motorbike accident on Friday, and has been put into an induced coma.  Parker is one of life’s diamonds, a true gem of a man, and it is quite clear that many people think so too.  It is comforting that people have that level of caring in them, and the outpouring of support will be of great comfort to his family. I hope with all my heart that he comes through this, and makes a full recovery.

What I am trying, in my convoluted way to say, is whilst we all get caught up in our own struggles, our own problems, sometimes something happens which puts it all in perspective.

I am sure I come across as a moaning minnie in my Twitter feed, but the reality is that I use Twitter as my outlet. In real life I always say that everything is fine, no matter what is happening. Sometimes, or more often than just sometimes, everything is NOT fine, and so I leave my fake smile behind and let off steam on Twitter.  That is how I cope with life.  Don’t get me wrong, I know I am not the only person with problems, I know that there are many people worse off than me. But everyone, everyone, needs an outlet. And I always try to keep perspective.

I have a roof over my head, a bed to sleep in, a job to pay my bills, food on the table. These are things many don’t have. Perspective.

Nikki Giovanni said:

“There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don’t expect you to save the world I do think it’s not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary, and remove from  your life those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect”

I LOVE those words.  All the yesses!!

Perspective. Love. Care. Respect.

To all of you, I wish peace, happiness and good health.

And, Parker, my friend, get well, the world needs you back.

Lemon Drizzle Cake

I am a chocoholic. I love chocolate. No, really, I LOVE chocolate! I never thought I’d see the day when I might enjoy cake that wasn’t chocolate, but it happens. I now have a few favourite cakes which are not chocolate, and I love, love, love them.

I posted about my sticky lemon & ginger cake a little while ago, and now, once again, lemon rears its head!  There is something deliciously moreish about the fresh, zingy, sharp lemon syrup drizzled over the cake.  And I always make that drizzle more lemony, a bit sharper, less sweeter, and increase the quantity – trying to keep the balance and not make the cake soggy in the process!

This particular recipe is gluten free, using gluten free flour and almonds in the cake batter.  The almonds give it a lovely texture. I made it once because a colleague at work is gluten intolerant, and I didn’t want her to miss out whilst everyone else had cake to eat.  The recipe worked so well, was so easy, and thankfully everyone enjoyed it, that I have never bothered to look for a different version of Lemon Drizzle cake.  That is not to say I haven’t toyed with the idea of making a lime drizzle…..

One day I might eventually post my recipes as well.  Bear with me, I am still trying to get used to this blogging thing!

Rhubarb Crumble

I haven’t blogged for a few weeks. I’ve been struggling with what I wanted to say, and whether I should say it. I haven’t managed to haul myself out of that place yet. But I did bake. And when you are feeling low, tired, sore, confused, lost…..what better to bake than comfort food. In this case, comfort pudding.

A colleague gave me some rhubarb and so my mind was set.  Rhubarb crumble. A warm pudding, crumbly, crunchy topping and soft, comforting and slightly tart fruit filling. Served with custard of course. I do prefer not to add too much sugar, a little sharpness from the fruit is always good.

I threw some braeburn apples into the fruit mix because apples are always good to “flesh out” a crumble and rhubarb cooks down to almost nothing, so it needed something extra.

The crumble topping was standard, and I always add oats and walnuts because it helps with the texture.

The custard?  I confess I bought ready-made custard. No-one’s perfect!

The “no title” title!

I thought about not posting this week, but somehow I feel I should. If not just to make me feel I “made” the effort.  Herein lies the problem. I really don’t feel like making the effort, with anything.

I have had one of those weeks. You know, we all have from time to time, where nothing, NOTHING, goes right. Add that to my insomnia and chronic pain and I have been struggling to appear even vaguely positive.  Should I tweet? Should I blog? Am I better off staying away from all forms of media – social or otherwise. I need to go back to the GP for pain meds, but I can’t bear the battle it will be. If only I could sleep. Why can’t I sleep? Why are my pain levels rocketing sky-high? Why is everything such a battle? Why am I so clumsy? Why did my cake fail?  Why do I look so hideous?  Urgh.  And of course, others have had far worse weeks than I, but this is not a competition, and in real life (as opposed to blog writing or tweeting) I always say I am fine, yes, I feel great, yes I had a great weekend, everything’s good thanks…..so sometimes you just need to say no. Actually no, things are not fine. No I don’t feel well.

I do know that life will even out after a while, and things won’t feel quite so grim. I do know my pain levels fluctuate and so when they drop again it will be easier to cope.

It’s just that this week has not been that week.

And if you are reading this, I wish you peace and love, and I hope that the weekend treats you with kindness.

The Boss!

I haven’t written anything for more than a week and it’s about time I covered the “rock” part of my blog name. Let’s hear it for music! And today, specifically Bruce Springsteen.

Ever since I first heard “Born to Run” I was hooked. Being able to get to one of his gigs was long in coming, but oh, so worth it.  I have now been to only 5 of his gigs, but I still cannot get over the thrill of watching this man live.  What a show he puts on. With Bruce Springsteen you ALWAYS get your money’s worth!

Last Sunday he was at Wembley Stadium in London for The River Tour, and I got tickets through the fantastic Badlands Travel.  A shout-out for them too! What a fantastic set up.  I had never heard of them before (how?!?) but went for it and can say I am extremely happy with their service.  I would definitely recommend booking through them.

Sunday came and the weather was glorious, blue skies, sunny. Having been to many a gig in the pouring rain, it is so nice to have good weather for this. I had the best seats I could ever have hoped for – short of being in the golden circle, and that, sadly I don’t think I’ll ever be lucky enough to do.

As always, yes, truly, always, the Boss did not disappoint.  Three and a half hours, non-stop.  What a star. And of course, not for one minute forgetting the amazing E-Street band in all of this. Every one of them, utterly brilliant.

Of course I need to mention Dancing in the Dark.  We’ve all seen the original video with Courtney Cox, haven’t  we? On Sunday night there was a man in the crowd with a sign asking “Would you dance with Courtney Cox if she had a (great) beard?”…..and he did, the crowd loved it! It was a fabulous moment, do yourselves a favour and Google the clip for this (bearded Courtney Cox) should find it for you!

Some of those who know me, will know what a struggle it was for me to get to the gig. But I did it, and although it was hard going at times it was totally worth it. What a man, what a band, joy and great music, what a night. Awesome!

Death and dying

Yes, this isn’t what you might have hoped for. But in fairness my blog is about random things, thoughts, life and stuff in general.  Unfortunately not as popular as chocolate and cake, but I’ve been thinking a lot recently, for various reasons, of death and dying.

And so, please excuse my insomnia-befuddled brain as I try to string my thoughts together, albeit not very well.

This year has seen a number of deaths of famous people. Is it just one of those times, or are we just at an age where it means more when someone you know of dies?  Then too, I have had death in the family, and a couple of lovely friends have had an even more devastating time.  Death just isn’t something we tend to talk about or deal with much in terms of acknowledging it and yet there is no getting away from it. And so when it happens, coping can be extremely difficult.  We are all different, and react and cope differently, and one can feel so utterly helpless in being unable to lessen someone else’s pain.

The death of a loved one is deeply traumatic, but grief is a necessary process to heal, to get closure.  There is no time limit to healing. One thing I do know is that if you don’t let yourself grieve, it will come back and bite you when you least expect it.  Sometimes one feels that  it is self-indulgent to grieve, that one should be coping.  No! Your feelings are justified, no-one can tell you how, where, what or when you need to feel.

Death is a funny subject, and people deal with it in different ways from humour (bizarrely cathartic) to avoidance (not good) and everything in between. But pretending that it does not happen does not help.  It is as much a part of life as anything else.  I think it is important to bring children up without shielding them from it, don’t keep them away from funerals, children are resilient and curious.  Life is a process, beginnings and endings, sickness and health, happiness and sadness.  If we grow up understanding this – not necessarily in all its gory detail – I think maybe we would cope, if only a tiny bit, better.  And we all have different ways of coping.  No way is right or wrong.  But my point is that with a bit of knowledge, perhaps there would be a bit more understanding, both of others and of ourselves.

It is desperately sad how it can be that those who seem to care about you are the same people who disappear when you are mourning the death of a loved one. People react in strange ways.

A common thread – both in my own experience and that of friends – is that the people you thought would be there for you are not.  But regular contact, even if only to say I’m here, I’m thinking of you is so, so important. The comfort of care. A hug. That just helps you make it through another day. Yet people will think oh, I don’t know what to say, they won’t want to talk about it. This adds to the pain.  All you want is someone to show that they care. sometimes to be able to talk about it is an enormous relief. The one time you really need a friend and yet your own pain is too raw to ask.

To go through grief alone is a terrible thing. You know that nothing can take away what has happened, that no words can magically heal.  But these little bits of caring add up, and help.  They really help.

And if you are going through this right now, I wish you peace and love. Give yourself time.

 

 

Win some, lose some

No food post, and no baking today.

I had decided to make a chocolate fridge tart, a recipe I have adapted and evolved over time, so that it is a heavenly blend of salty and sweet – chocolate and salted caramel.

Unfortunately as the fates had it, my chocolate siezed, and I was unable to rescue it. I had run out of chocolate (how could this happen?!?) And so there will be no picture. But there will be a next time.  If at first you don’t succeed……

On the winning side, I have discovered a new blog to follow, the fabulous Princess of VP blog it’s always a bonus when you discover new blogs to enjoy.  (I tried to add a link to the blog, but for some reason it failed).

I love blogs on food, health, make-up, photography, in fact all sorts of things, blogs that make you think, that make you laugh, that spark an interest in something. I’m still new to all this and searching for more ideas.   What about you? What do you enjoy? Which blogs do you recommend?

Today in essence was a mixture of lose (my fridge tart) and win (found a new blog to follow). I’m still working at getting that old mojo back again.

Sticky Lemon & Ginger Cake

I think I might just be on the cusp of rediscovering my baking mojo.  I am wanting to bake more, and enjoying it once again.  So that’s a win.  However I need to take photos with my camera and not with my tablet.  When I post photos taken on my tablet they are tiny.  Urgh.  So frustrating.  Somehow I seem to have got confused between the two.  It will be a while before I manage to sort this out though, so please bear with me!

Today’s cake is one I have baked a few times and is always a success. It is a joy to make, smell and eat!  Just grating the fresh ginger and zesting the lemon for this is worth it for that lovely fresh zesty, summery aroma. Small things, hey, but small things are important.

The cake has fresh ginger, lemon zest, Bramley apple and dates as the fruit ingredients and so we can eat it smugly thinking it surely must cover some of your 5-a-day!! This all combines to make a lovely moist, more-ish cake. It is fruity and spicy, but not in-your-face.  A lovely balance of flavours.

The white chocolate drizzle on top turned into a full on white chocolate flood this time because, well, I had the chocolate so why not use it! And anyway, although I am not a great fan of white chocolate it works so well with this cake.

When I first baked it I posted a photo on Twitter and the cake earned itself a rather different name. “Inspired” by the white chocolate drizzle……I blame Declan and for the time being I’ll avoid using that name just in case I put you off!